SO I DON'T KNOW IF YOU NOTICED

It is 2017!

I was writing my parents earlier about this very subject and I confessed that, if I'm being completely honest, I didn't think I would make it to 2017, seriously! I thought I would be dead, God would have come back, or our planet would have ended and we would all be living in space like the Jetsons (the last one was my favorite option, obviously). 

How is it that with each new year time some how speeds up?! How is it I will be 30 this year! I am entering a new decade guys, this is a big fucking deal (I'm actually jazzed about it tbh). We get a new president... did I say get? We will be subjected to? There will be a TOTAL solar eclipse this year AND there is a Batman Lego movie coming out (Drew is VERY excited about this). All those things will happen in due time, but we have only just begun, lets not get ahead of ourselves.

It feels to me that the start of the year is when people make all kinds of resolutions that they fully intend to break. We diet, we exercise, we give up smoking, we give up sweets, we give up chocolate or coffee... wait... you give things up for lent, you find resolve over a new year (or so they say). Anyways, I don't think all versions of 'resolutions' are equal. However, several woman, whom I admire a great deal, chose a word they want to define their year- Commitment, Success, Vision, Truth, Trust, etc. Which I find incredibly inspiring... inspiring AND terrifying. Choosing a word feels more romantic. It is all encompassing and empowering. The thought of living into a truth or make a commitment to yourself feels less riddled with weird cultural stereotypes than making a traditional resolution. 

That being said, what would your word be? 

I keep coming up with answers but none of them feel right just yet- 

Health... something I want physically, spiritually, and emotionally

Power... I want to acknowledge that I am a powerful woman

Strength... of body and mind

Play...

Passion...

Joy...

Laughter... apparently I'm a silent laugher and I never knew! 

The end of last year brought my 2016 words into focus- surrender and let go. These words were convicting and were a struggle at first (ok they are still a struggle), but so much beauty has come out of acknowledging their truth and leaning into their embrace.  

This week I will be journaling and working through what this season of life means to me and what intention I will hold for 2017. 

Happy New Year everyone! 

Light and delight from my heart to yours. 

xx

PA-RUM-PA-PUM-PUM

Have you ever gone Christmas caroling? Have you ever had carolers come to your door? Were they actually NOT carolers but a man trying to win your heart a-la-Love Actually or Hillary Rodham Clinton trying to pull your vote a-la-SNL? Are you confused? Ok, fair, lets try that again. 

I went caroling almost every year as a child. We went to nursing homes and sang our little hearts out for all the elderly folks (thats the pc term right? not just old people?). We would sing Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer and Jingle Bells, all the while trying not to pass out in the extreme heat (I swear they keep those places at a suffocating 98 degrees- which, subsequently leads me to believe that caroling in nursing homes was where the early 2000s pop sensation got their name). The thing that bummed me out, was how we sang the same songs year after year. I get it, most Christmas songs are classics for a reason, and people love the classics. Now that I too am an 'old' person I too love (classic) Christmas music and there are certain songs I look forward to listening to every year, however-

LITTLE DRUMMER BOY IS NOT ONE OF THOSE SONGS

How many of you just scowled? You love Little Drummer Boy, don't you? You are thinking to yourself, "Who doesn't love that song?!" ME! It is too long, too much pa-rum-pa-pa-pumming for my taste. But, in all fairness, you are absolutely right, people LOVE IT; this fact has been made even more obvious by its playing on every holiday station ever, no matter how many times you ( or I) give it a thumbs down- seriously. So it came as no surprise when yesterday, as I was running around town, (shout out to kind of knowing your way around in a new city!) what should come on my Spotify but Little Drummer Boy.  

I could have changed the song or the station but it was gray and rainy and I lacked the motivation to do so. I let the pa-rum-pa-pa-pumming play on as the misty rain coated the wind shield. And do you know something? I kind of got into it, shocking I know! A Christmas miracle? I think not. I was hooked into the lyrics, falling prey to their candor, I rolled them over in my mind as I rolled from freeway to side street, from side street to my street, from my street to my driveway, the words played on in my mind- Do you see what I see? 

INSERT PLOT TWIST HERE!
You thought you were in for a rant on Christmas carols- You were wrong! That sounds hostel, lets try again... you are in for a surprise... better? 
Any ways! Lets get back to the real point of this point- tis the season after all. 
Do you see what I see? 

How good is that question? Do you see what I see? Do you know what I know? Most people see the world one way, they see their POV (point of view) and that's it. Quick question... do you realize HOW MANY POINTS OF VIEW THERE ARE!? Seriously. Think about that for one second. Does your brain hurt yet? Are you traveling while you read this? Look around the airport, how many other people are trying to get home for the holidays? What is their story? What are they carrying? Physically, emotionally, spiritually? Are you sitting in a coffee shop? There are conversations, careers, and community connections happening all around you. Are you at home with your significant other? Are you at your families home for the holidays? Odds are you see the world differently than some (if not all) of the people you are with and that, at first can be frustrating... 

What if you were to challenge that pattern of frustration this weekend? Ask yourself, "Do they see what I see?" or better still, "Can they see what I see?". 

This question makes my head buzz (then again maybe thats the coffee I am drinking). It is liberating, it frees you from carrying the ignorance or opinions of others. Instead of getting angry, it makes me curious, it makes me want to be more open, so that I can be more informed. They may not be able to see how you see, but you can have grace and (try to) see how they see, not to change how you think or feel necessarily, but so that you can shift the dynamic around you from one of hostility or tip-toeing, to one of openness*. 

I will never be able to MAKE someone see how I see, but if I am willing to engage them and listen, to see how they see, how much more willing will they be to trying on the lenses through which I view the world? 

What glasses are you wearing? What do you see? What do you want those around you to see? 

I have so many more thoughts on this... stay tuned, there is more to come. 

Happy Holidays you beautiful radiant humans! May you see and be seen this season. Grace and peace. 

xx

*Please note- this post comes with a disclaimer- You can not and should not use this to goat your friends, family, and loved ones into certain conversations. This is not your excuse for forcing peoples hand. It is simply a tool for yourself, a way to keep yourself in check first and foremost. So that when Uncle. Ned is going on and on about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the dinner table you can take a deep breath and ask yourself, "How does Ned see the world?" Odds are he is a conservative who has always been a conservative, he has seen the highs and lows of our nation and is frustrated by the corruption and, at the core of his being, he wants certainty, change, and hope just as much as you do, he just sees a different way of meeting that goal (no matter right or wrong her may be). 

TONY PT. TWO

Ok, so this Tony is also famous, loves to use taboo language and has impacted thousands of people lives... but I can't say that him impact is always so positive.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this guy. I want him to be my (cranky) Uncle Tony who shows up on holidays, drinks too much, and regales us with stories of chaos and crudity in the kitchens of New York City at the dinner table. Le sigh. 

As you may have guessed, this Tony would be none other any Anthony Bourdain. The man who has done every drug, gone to every place, eaten everything known to man and somehow survived. I don't get it... I eat the wrong kind of grain or have one too many glasses of wine (that would be 3 glasses in total) and I want to die for a week straight, he eats bacteria infested food and drinks 72 cocktails all in ONE night and lives to tell the tale. Seriously, the guy acts this is no big thing, a casual Tuesday in fact.  

For those of you who don't know, Anthony Bourdain is the chef turned author, turned tv host, turned social activist food explorer. 

Kitchen Confidential was published in the year 2000 and exploded. People took it as an exposé, a tell all, revealing the deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets of kitchen life. The language of the kitchen the decorum (or lack there of), the health and safety violations... not to mention the copious amounts of drug use. Kitchen life begins to look like bootcamp come Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. This may lead you to believe I didn't like the book, quite the opposite in fact. Anthony is a brilliant writer. His tone is easy to read, and, if you have watched any of his tv shows you hear his voice narrating every word on every page. It is intense sure, it is crass, of course, but it is also incredibly beautiful and well worth the read. 

Moving on... 

Anthony, Tony, Monsieur Bourdain, Chef, etc. was a humble dishwasher in the very beginning, moving up through the ranks of the kitchen, eventually becoming the head Chef at Las Halles in New York. He cooked of course and he was, I assume, a brilliant chef (I have never had the pleasure of eating a meal by has hand, but a girl can dream), but in his time away from the kitchen he began to write. He was published and then his career took a turn to TV with his first run of episodes for A Cooks Tour. He followed this series up with a several year run on No Reservations. He then hosted The Lay Over for the Travel Channel, and now he is the host of my personal favorite Parts Unknown on CNN.  

Parts Unknown is brilliant. The show marries travel, food, history, politics, and what it means to live together in an eloquent fashion... ok a mostly eloquent fashion. There is copious drinking at times, foul language (of course), and the occasional animal 'sacrifice' (that is the pc way of saying several animals meet their maker on this show... but that is a part of life and culture and to say otherwise would be to place rose colored glasses on the process which most of us choose to ignore- death is a part of life after all). There is a sense of longing to this show, a desire to find what it means to be a human living in this f*&^ed up world. Anthony asks his hosts questions about their culture, their history, their politics and faith, and he isn't afraid to challenge or antagonize them, which blows my mind. However, his probing often exposes the beautiful, vibrant, determined power of the human spirit, which is rather unexpected in a show such as this.

Food is more than food. It is culture. It is nourishment. It is life. And to say otherwise is to deny your humanity.

At this point you may be wondering how on earth Anthony Bourdain and Tony Robbins are alike... The fact is they aren't... but they are. 

They both have struggled and channeled that struggle into a better life. 

They both have inspired people to get out of bad circumstances and pursue better lives for themselves. 

They both connect to something raw and human inside of us. 

They are, I'm assuming, around the same age. 

They both curse more than a sailor on leave! 

Both have obsessive and addictive personalities- Tony Robbins is addicted to the feeling of helping others. Anthony is addicted to chasing feeling itself. 

And they both have impacted the people of this planet (for better or for worse). 

Where they differ, in my mind, is in how they channel their energies. Anthony has used the tiger like spirit inside of his being to fight his way through life (figuratively and literally, he is trained in Brazilian jiu jitsu). Tony, on the other hand, is a gentle giant, a lion who channels his roar into motivating others. It is a question of motivation- for self or for others. 

I could go on and on about these too men. Their power and presence, their talents and troubles... but I will spare you the diatribe (for now). I mean, I would be pretty content to watch Parts Unknown and Tony Robbins talks on repeat for the rest of my life... with some Gilmore Girls or something mixed in for fun (lets be honest, thats a whole lot of Tony for one girl to handle). 

Incase you were wondering, Drew will probably look like (a more handsome) Anthony Bourdain when he gets older (sorry Tony, but you did lots of drugs back in the day and my husband hasn't so he will have better skin in the end) and he (Drew) has recently fallen in love with Tony Robbins and all his positive energy via podcasts and, as we talked about yesterday, his Netflix Documentary. 

What about you? Are you a Tony fan? If so which one? Both? Neither? Do share with the class in the comments below. 

xx

A TALE OF TWO TONYS

I think I have a thing for guys named Tony. Granted I married a guy named Drew so I suppose it's not that big of a thing. Then again I am convinced that he (Drew) will look like one of the Tonys in the not so distant future and he (Drew) is in love with the other Tony... so perhaps its just a mutual thing? 

The first Tony in our saga is f*&^ing Tony Robbins (I phrase it that way because I strongly feel that is how he would introduce himself). To be honest, I don't know a whole lot about Tony Robbins, in fact, before last night I knew literally nothing about him. Seriously. So what was so enlightening about last night you may ask? Well, I watched the new(ish) Netflix documentary, "Tony Robbins: I Am Not Your Guru" thats what. And do you want to know what happened? I found my guru... jk but I did cry... multiple times thats what! "It's all the hype" you think, "He gets people worked up and dupes them into 'breakthroughs' that won't last" you say, "It can't be real!"... mmhmmm, yep, sure... that is what I thought too and then I proceeded to watch this documentary, cry, and realize that, holy shit this man is onto something. 

Tony Robbins is a teddy lion... a cuddle bear... a fierce force of nature coupled with a gentle breeze.. he is the ocean, strong, powerful, inviting and full... he can speak to pain because he has experienced pain, he can speak to struggle because he is human and has gone through struggle, he can challenge you because he has challenged himself. Granted, I think some of his tactics are a little nuts, but if they work, who the f*&^ cares!? Seriously! You can judge the people who like this guy, follow this guy, and go to his events... but I can't any more. Everyone has something they are carrying. None of us go through life with out picking up some baggage along the way and Tony wants to help people put down their suitcases and unpack all the shit they have shoved inside and hauled around for years on end; he was to liberate people, he wants to free people from the pain and suffering they are holding onto.

Do you know what was the most mind blowing part- we do most of the damage to ourselves! Seriously. Sure, there is something that triggers a pattern, behavior, or belief, but at the end of the day we perpetuate the cycles and continue the torture, long after the source of suffering has ended.* 

Mental health is connected to self identity, which is connected to our self belief, which is connected to our physical well being, which affects our outlook on the world, how we feel, interact, connect... one leads to another, leads to another. What we believe about ourselves is often what we believe about the world around us. 

We all know this... well if we possess any semblance of self awareness we know it. The problem is, we acknowledge the problem, we talk about it, we go through the motions... but when it comes to change we get locked up. The amazing thing Tony does is this- he sees past all the bullshit, he pushes through the excuses and facades, he sees the truth inside of people and pulls it to the surface- he breaks through them so that they can have a breakthrough within themselves. It is an incredible thing to see. No wonder people are willing to pay as much as they do to go to his events!

My therapist once told me that I am too emotionally intelligent... One would think that emotional intelligence is a good thing, however, she smoothly informed me that my emotional intelligence was actually detrimental to my healing and growth. I chose to ignore her and believe that my emotional intelligence was my gift, my ability to self analyze and assess kept me from falling off the cliff you know? But then I watched that documentary and began to realize that I was allowing the good to be the enemy of the great. I was settling for self analysis when what I really crave is healing and (to put it in Tony terms) a breakthrough. 

Tony Robbins may not be a guru, but his love, compassion, passion, humility, strength, and generosity have changed the course of thousands of peoples lives and that, my friends, is a beautiful thing. It is inspiring and enlightening and challenging, to say the (very) least. 

Tony, if you ever read this- thank you for what you do. Someday I would love to sit and talk over a coffee, strike that, you probably don't drink coffee because it is bad for your adrenals which will impact peak self performance etc... we can walk and talk and drink a juice, hows that? You possess a spirit of tonglen, deep and vast as the ocean; I was amazed by how strongly that came across, even in the documentary. One day, I hope our paths cross, until then- blessings, peace, love, and light. 

xx 

*Please know I am not saying that you cause your own trauma... as a fellow holder of trauma I would never cast that kind of judgement on anyone! I am simply exploring the idea of changing what we do with those experiences- do we get bitter or better? Do we fight or do we suffer? etc. 

p.s. Come back again for the second part of the story... a Tony who could not be more different... and yet, somehow, very much the same. 

I CANT SEEM TO FIND THE WORDS

I have started this post three times. 

I have stared at the blinking little line on the screen for a solid thirty minutes, silently begging it to stop torturing me. 

It is one of those days. You know the ones. The ones that start off full of intention and end in tears. Ok, to be fair, that is a tad dramatic- there have been no tears (though it is only 2 p.m. there is still potential for a sob fest later in the day). 

The truth is, I'm not sure what to say. 

It is the Monday before Christmas. I KNOW. How is that a thing? A year ago I was ending holiday tour and flying to Michigan to spend the holidays with friends and family. This year Drew and I decided to move across the country and for me to start a new job less than a month before the holidays. This means we will not be sticking to tradition... which is sad... but also exciting because we can start new traditions with just us two (tiny families unite!). 

Last Christmas we rented a cabin with Drews family, sat by a fire and got stick-poke tattoos at the kitchen table (thanks Seth). This year we will celebrate in simple ways- watch copious amounts of Christmasy films, listen to Ella and Louis on repeat, family face time for hours on end and eat ALL the things (right now I'm thinking sausage gravy and all the things free biscuits for breakfast, the weird holiday lunder time of 2 or 3pm featuring roast lamb and mashed potatoes and then finish off with lots and lots of fancy aps, snacks, and desserts). All of this sounds lovely doesn't it? I agree, though I will say my joy is laced with a sweet layer of sadness... which is kind of how all of this year has been don't you think? 

2016 started with so much potential and now we are all counting down the days tills it ends, am I right? I know I'm right because the internet tells me so-   

Do you remember last new years? Everyone was all "2016 is totally going to be my year!" and now everyone is like "F*&^ this noise! 2016 can be done NOW!" To be fair everyone seemed depressed last new years... many people were feeling beat down, desperate for change and hope. However, I can't help but feel that many of us spent most of this year just waiting for that change to happen. The thing is, change doesn't (usually) just happen. Change takes action and courage, it takes... daring and grit. 

Last night Drew and I watched the first episode (maybe two) of Man in the High Castle. I'm not 1,000% sure how I feel about it yet, however, there was some very good content that makes you think about what it means to be human. During a rather tense scene with the Japanese Minister and a Spy (? to be honest I think he was a German General, but one can't be so sure) the Minister says, "Fate may be in the hands of the universe, but men control their destiny." mic drop, walk away (that may not be the exact quote... but it's close). 

This begs the question- What is your destiny?

That is a very daring question is it not? I feel as though we think about our 'purpose' from a very self facing point of view most of the time, but I feel like we approach 'destiny' with a more global perspective. Living into your destiny means acting on faith and gut instinct, trusting in the truth set out before you, believing the Universe is on your side. Faith + Action + Courage +Hope + Love + Living +++ 

= Destiny

I get butterflies in my chest when I think about this idea. It is convicting and exciting. 

2016 was a year in which many of us felt wanderlust. We wandered and (many of us) got lost. Our nation took a turn. We pointed fingers and placed blame. It may be done, but I don't believe it is over- this is not our destiny. 

Words are powerful, what we believe to be true, what we speak into existence, what we hope for and have faith in can change the way we interact with the world around us. 

This coming year I want to live into a life that is more inspiring, more impactful, more full and generous. I want to slather the world around me with love and light like my grandma slathers a roll with butter at Christmas dinner. I want give this life every drop of good energy I possess- energy is wasted if it is not used after all- In a years time I want to look back on 2017 with a heart that is full, not a heart that is broken. 

As you go through these next few weeks may you live in grace, generosity and love. Even if you can't afford a lavish holiday. No matter how you celebrate, no matter who you are or are not with, may you be filled with delight, may your heart be warm and full. 

Over the next week write down what you believe about yourself. Write down what your believe to be possible. Write down your destiny. 

Happy Holidays you beautiful humans! 

xx

FLASH BACK

As you all know, Netflix recently rereleased every season of Gilmore Girls AND created a new season just in time for the holiday 'binge' season. 

Now, I will confess that I was excited when I heard about the reboot- who wouldn't love a freshly brewed extra caffeinated season full of dry humor and cunning word play by Lorelai and Rory? But to be completely honest, I was never a die hard Gilmore Girls girl... I tended to lean towards One Tree Hill and Everwood (shout out to baby Chris Pratt). I know, this is shocking. What girl in the early 2000's wasn't obsessed with the drama of Luke and Lorelai? Dean and Rory? Rory and Jess? Not to mention watching Melissa MacCarthy and her budding career as Sookie St.James. The show had legs... strike that... the show HAS legs! 

Four years ago when Drew and I were engaged... ok more than four years ago now I suppose... I became obsessed with How I Met Your Mother. I would sit on the sofa, crafting my little heart out after work for hours on end and watching the characters play out their brilliantly scripted sitcom as the laugh track chortled in the back ground. Then when we moved I fell into the land of Gossip Girl (xoxo) and became a forever fan of Chuck and Blaire (their love is real you guys!). 

The thing is, I'm not really a serial series watcher. I like shows, I get really into them, but it is hard for me to let the 'auto play' function just roll on. BUT, what I have also realized is that I AM a serial series watcher when I need to get projects done. I enjoying having a show playing in the background while I stitch together gifts or pillows or crochet pot holders for the neighbors (hi, my name is Kelsey and I'm a 90 year old grandma). I like listening to the story telling. 

I realize binging isn't great for you. It will rot your brain, so they say. However, you have to give screen writers props. They are some of the best story tellers on the planet! I am sure there are loads of authors who would fight me for saying that, but it is true! Who hasn't become obsessed with a plot line, who hasn't felt attached to a set of characters on a show? Why do you think Friends was so popular? People wanted to BE their friend for crying out loud. 

Now, Gilmore Girls isn't for everyone, the singer song writer music in the back ground may drive you a little mental and the early 2000's style may just make you gag, but the story underneath will lure almost anyone in. The humor, the heart strings, the obsession with coffee and junk food, no wonder pop culture demanded a re-boot, this show is current af (that ones for all you younger readers out there... gotta keep up with the 'hip' terms... and the phrase 'hip terms' is for you mom). 

Watching Gilmore Girls as an adult really gives me perspective I didn't quite have when I was 16. When I was 16 I was all about the Rory, Dean, Jess, drama... and now... I feel a weird kinship to Lorelai and the Inn, her friendship with Sookie and her deep love of all things coffee, humor, and handsome men. 

Do yourself a favor, watch the series from the beginning, it will make your cheeks (and your heart) hurt in a really lovely way.

xx 

ADULTING

I feel like I have touched on this subject before... in fact I know I have... but none the less, it is relevant to life right now so we are going to talk about it again (damn it!). 

You guys, adulting is hard, like real f*&%ing hard! And let me tell you what, moving does not help that reality at all! 

A couple months ago when Drew and I were talking about this move it stressed me out, not because of all the unknowns of work and friendship, community, and ya know, life, but because I would have to change our address, get new insurance (of every imaginable kind), set up our internet, power and water, not to mention getting new drivers license; which seems a little pointless, seeing as how we have to get a new ones next year anyways (shout out to new decades!). And, in my defense I feel like my stress was justified... however, also feel like it was pointless, why stress before the actual thing to stress over happens (Thank you Tony for that little piece of wisdom). Since arriving in New Orleans I have spent three hours on the phone with our old insurance company trying to get a bill sorted. Dealt (or tried to deal) with being rear-ended MID move (yeah, that happened). Or spending too much time arguing with PODS and their terrible service and their delay of delivering our things, just to name a few of my most adult moments. 

However, if 'While You Were Sleeping' taught me anything it is that when you are a grown up you get to have "Sole possession of the remote control, which is very important." ... to be fair I share control with Drew... whatever, the point is, being a grown up also has its perks, it isn't all drudgery and taxes. So let's reflect on a few of the high points. 

I am thankful for the ability to provide for myself- to know how to cook and clean and host in my home. I am thankful for the manners my mama taught me. I am thankful for the morals my dad instilled in my bones. I am thankful for the struggles that taught me to keep going, even when things don't feel good. I am thankful for the ability to put my head down and get the job done. I am thankful for the friends who have taught me love, courage, humility, and honesty. 

I am thankful that I have had 29 years of life. 

If 'adulting' has taught me anything it is to cherish the moments, to delight in the mundane and seemingly insignificant, because if you can't find joy there you will be absolutely miserable 85% of the time and, lets be honest, ain't nobody got time for that! 

What adulting challenges have you faced this week? How do you take the sting out? Do share with the class in the comments below. 

xx 

*P.s. how gorgeous is the French Quarter (the photo at the top)?! I am obsessed with the architecture of this city guys... it is so good. 

PERFUME

When we are born we are given the gift of our senses. We taste, touch, see, hear, smell... These intrinsic characteristics grow and change, becoming stronger and weaker with times relentless passing. 

However, I would argue that there are senses we possess which have little to do with the tangible or known. We feel things in our bones, we known beyond knowing, see beyond seeing, hear things, taste things we can not describe. Miraculous happenings weaving their way into our genetic coding so that we may experience the more of this life. 

Have you ever been somewhere and tasted it's perfume? The salty sweet brine of the tropics, the hot spice of India, the crisp clean (indescribable umami) tang of Tokyo. They are everything and nothing, savory and intoxicating. They linger in our hair, stick to our skin, settle into our clothes- winding their way into our sensory memory bank for safe keeping. 

When I first came to New Orleans I felt the perfume of the city circle around me, a veil of mystery and charm. Notes of sweet and smokey tobacco. Hot spice. Bold. Unearthly. Rich bodied bourbon. Muddled like a fine cocktail (a New Orleans invention) shaken, not stirred, deftly poured into a crystalline glass lined with mint muddled sugar and ice. 

The true 'fragrance' of a city has so little to do with the way it smells. It is the people, the history, the energy... the soul of a city, which dictate the way you will experience its perfume. The scent will vary from person to person, like fine oil mixing on your skin- some places will mingle with your chemistry better than others leaving you with a deep desire to find the ones that fit. 

Life is full of things I long to experience; I want to taste, to savor, to smell, and see, listen and feel every moment. I want to wear the sweet perfume of today and tomorrow and know that in a years time it all could be different. But I can always remember the way the pine lingered in the cool clean air, the warm cinnamon and spice, the golden edges pricking through the velvety layer of black orchid. 

xx 

LA-LA

Bing Crosby is crooning White Christmas in the background and Calvin, our 1.5 year old neighbor is running through the halls next door, his little feet pattering in quick succession over the hard wood. 

We have 'officially' lived in New Orleans for a week... though 98% of our belongings got delayed for five days (word to the wise, when moving across country don't use Pods), so technically we have been 'moved in' for only a day or two. Our home here is old and I love it. They restored the house to be warm and inviting, a quiet place to call home. One of my favorite things (though there are many) is that our bedroom gets dark at night, the only outside noise to be heard is the rustling of the leaves, the rain on the roof, and the ambient noise of the neighbors going about their day (and Calvin throwing a temper tantrum every now and again... the kid is 1.5 I can't blame him). We hung up black out blinds every night in LA, not to mention the chaos and never ending sounds of traffic- helicopters, and sirens screaming past our apartment at all hours of the day and night... in this moment that feel like a life time ago. 

I am convinced we live on the best street in all of New Orleans. There is a beautiful park near by. I can walk to a grocery store if I so desire. The pace of life is slow here and your neighbors stop to say hello in the street. People look you in the eye and ask you how things are going ('how you goin?'), strangers say good morning to you like they are old friends of your Aunties; it is refreshing and strange and delightful. 

My heart is a layer cake of feelings- joy, nervousness, delight, happiness, fear, but not fear of the soul crushing unknown... fear that pushes you into the next part of your life, good fear. All frosted over with a thick layer of anticipation and expectation for the year to come. 

Right now, right this moment, I am sitting on our 'new' sofa (shout out to CraigsList) under a super soft blanket (shout out to WestElm), with Christmas music playing softly (shout out to the little Bose speaker, that thing is THE BEST) and I do you know something? I couldn't tell you the last time I felt this content... 

This feeling is one I need to savor, to cherish, to hold close to my heart; for there will be days when things are hard and my heart aches for those I miss so dearly in Los Angeles, Grand Rapids, Denver, Chicago, Seattle, Dallas, Minneapolis, London, Sydney, Costa Rica, and beyond. In those moments I will look back and remember the love and light that is present, even in the darkness, if only I open my eyes to see it. 

And so today, my wish for you, is that you may, no matter where you are in this moment, know that you are loved and so worthy of every good and beautiful thing this life has to offer. 

With warmth and light and love, from my heart to yours. 

xx 

TODAY I AM THANKFUL FOR

Today marks the official start of the holiday season for me. It is the Monday before Thanksgiving and you can feel the festive energy in the air. People are excited for a short work week, over eating, watching football, and spending ALL their money on shit they don't need but are convinced they can't live without (word to the wise- budget your Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday spending). We (me, Drew, Bre and Jamie, the friends we are staying with in Colorado) also watched The Family Stone last night, AKA the best Christmas movie ever; I cry every time! That movie gives me all the holiday feels and makes me want to dress up in over starched shirts with draped bead necklaces like Diane Keaton *sight*. We may or may not have also watched Holiday Inn the night before and How the Grinch Stole Christmas the Sunday before that... What can I say, we are really feeling the holiday spirit. 

Years ago, when The Curated Life started I wrote down something I was thankful for every day in November, it kept me sane in a time so filled with transition (having just moved to LA). This year I find myself in a similar position. Thanksgiving is approaching and my life is completely untethered from the usual routines and rituals which have kept me grounded in the past. If I am not careful, if I loose myself in the sea of unknowns, the untethering can feel over whelming. And so, in this moment, when life threatens to pull me away from my self I will take a deep breath and choose to remain present and in my body. 

Making a gratitude list, writing down the more contended points in your life, writing what you are thankful for, may seem a bit antiquated or inauthentic when you begin, but I can promise you that by the end you will feel a wee bit better about things. 

Today I am thankful for...

The cold mountain air. 

Seeing snow fall lazily from the sky last week. 

Good coffee and beautiful coffee shops. 

Drew. 

Our Friends. 

Our families... 

Our Framilies. 

Comforting food. 

Fires in the fireplace, crackling and popping merrily. 

Holiday movies!!!

Soul chats. 

Good wine... really feeling the reds atm. 

Yoga- ALWAYS

Being in Denver/Boulder for the last few days. 

Going into the mountains (thankful we didn't die or get stuck in a snow drift). 

God, the Divine force in the universe, providing, being present (even when we don't feel it). 

The air filling my lungs. 

The clatter of the coffee shop wrapping around me- a familiar clatter of ambient noise and distant conversation. 

Nature. 

Thrifting- v into it rn.

Beauty- in all things. The face of the older woman across from me. The mountains outside the window. The laughter of the little girl enamored with the world around her. 

...

There are ways of living, like great rivers, we are pulled into their flow. Some times the waters are slow and easy, at other points they are unsettled, full of debris and danger. During this holiday season may you choose the quieter river, may your heart be merry and light. May you not be anxious about all the 'to-dos' and other debris that can fall into your flow. 

Today, in this moment, I must choose ease, I must choose gratitude, the debris of disatisfaction and distraction is looming on the banks of my internal flow. I will choose, to breath in and breath out, listen to the sounds, listen to my heart, inhabit my body. "Never underestimate the power of presence" Rob Bell said that YEARS ago and it has always stuck with me. In a season so focused on presents, perhaps it is better to change your focus and dwell on the presence of those you love- near and far- and the presence of being in (and within) yourself. 

xx