It dawned on me the other day that I will be 30 in less than a week... full disclosure, it was 3 weeks ago when I started typing this, which really makes me feel a lot of things. But, no worries, on to the point.
30.
A new decade.
I am pretty f*&$ing excited to be turning 30. I feel like everyone talks about how they started to figure life out at 30... which I am starting to feel also so I would say we are on a good track.
A while back I wrote a '30 before 30' list... 30 things I wanted to do before I turned 30. It seemed reasonable at the time however, I realized that while I want to do many of the things on the list they were on it more as filler than as actual life enhancing, soul enriching acts.
Most of the items on my list have to do with my desire to be a well rounded badass woman. I want to learn to sharpen my knives (wet stones are in my Amazon cart as I type this and I did a practice round with one of the knife nerdy chefs at work). I want to bake sour dough bread- I am making a go at this right now, though with gluten free flour... so we shall see how things go. I took a fermentation class and I have been writing letters to friends each week. All of these things are on my list and I feel rather accomplished being able to cross them off. Though there are still things I need to work on... such as having a good self care practice and changing mental patterns that no longer serve me.
The biggest change in my 29th year (aside from moving across the country, abandoning my career and starting over in a city that is sinking) is that I started seeing a Coach... kind of like seeing a therapist but much less fuzzy feeling. I used to see a therapist which was lovely. I would cry and leave feeling like doors had been opened and I had uncovered somethings while being sympathized with for an hour. Therapy is delightful in my opinion. Coaching is also delightful... and frustrating... and challenging. I still cry and then Jon challenges that response, to get at the thing behind the thing, the choices that I am making, have made, will make etc. Sure, my past is my past, it shaped me, but I am choosing to live out of that place. Coaching is a tool I am using to change my mindset. That is what this is. Therapy was peeling back layers, Coaching is ripping off the bandaid(s).
In the week ahead I am committing to take time, set aside, to think about who I am, what I want, who I want to be (what I will do to be that person and what will come out of that place). In the past I was able to talk about these things. Eloquently writing sentences that would lead you to believe I had truly figured things out and change was on the horizon. But do you know? When it comes to actually choosing the change I felt fear rocking me back to sleep. Change is waking up and staying away. Change is choosing your life and being present to witness it. And so, with that I will simply say-
Good morning world. It is lovely to see you again.
