There are many things that make us who we are... which I have probably waxed on about one too many times (so why not make it two too many?).
Your family, friends, location, taste level, exposure to culture, subculture, and the like. We are who we are because of our DNA, but we are who we think we are because of our surroundings and influences.
Drew and I were talking the other morning about how, many adults, see their once tightly knit group of friends grow apart as they grow up. It starts small, a little tear hear, a missed night out, forgetting to call back, the beginning of the unravelling process. Relationships deteriorate, piece by piece, and before you know it you are left standing in a pile of bare threads (where the warm blanket of friendship once sat).
It is sad really. How we so easily let things go. Does it have to be this way?
I think many people get caught up in their relationship with their significant other, forgetting the value of those outside their sacred bond. This, then, carries over to their children, pulling the threads which still remain even further apart. As time passes their identities become wrapped up in this idea, this version of themselves, which don't get me wrong is perfectly fine (I'm really just here to stir the pot) but I can't help feeling it is unfair to who they are. These things, these ideas of who they should be pull them further and further away from their true north and somewhere along the line they morph into Lopsters... no not lobsters, lopsters, as in one who is lopsided.
This isn't just about marriage and children, it can be our career, our status, anything that captures our brains and drags it in one direction. We stop seeing people, stop hearing them, we see how they affect our version of things; truth and reality take a back seat to our lopsided visions. Actual, meaningful, looking them in the eye interaction begins to dwindle, genuine care and understanding, though present, become tainted with self indulgence and intent. We constantly think about how they are affecting us, taking up our time, burdening our mental state, taking away instead of adding to.
This, of course, is not always the case. I have people in my life that I would willingly give my left arm for, they can have my time and attention any day at any hour. Yes, Drew is one of those people, he is in fact my person, but we both realize we need more than each other to survive. I am lucky in this way, knowing that we can be together but still exist as whole individuals is liberating.
Now, to address my earlier judgements. I am perfectly willing to admit that priorities change, people change, personalities and desires change... but who we are, in our very nucleus, should always find comfort in being whole. Having vertigo of the spirit doesn't do anyone any favors that is for sure.
Life goes in seasons, people come and go but that doesn't necessarily mean we must grow apart. There is hope for friendships lost. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither were you (ok technically you were "built" in about mmmmhmmm 5-10 minutes, but you get where I'm going).
xx
