One of the best pieces of advice that Drew and I received before we got married was this, "Always talk, especially when you don't want to." (Would David V. Wenzel, please stand up).
-Here is why that thought is so profound-
As human beings we are wired with a 'fight' or 'flight' instinct, we are not naturally inclined to put ourselves in harms way and 'talk things out'; we would rather argue (even if we KNOW we are wrong) or run away (peace out, I have better things to do than deal with this isssshhhhh). Resolution however, can not happen A) if you are yelling (ok maybe sometimes but it never feels very good) or B) if you are not present. Does that make sense? If you are constantly only seeing your side, if you refuse to have a discussion, progress can never be achieved... the opposite side of the same coin would be that if you run away you will never grow or accomplish anything and you will stagnate and pigeon hole a version of yourself that you may not even LIKE.
Just this morning Drew accidentally picked an old wound of mine open, exposing several of my deeply buried insecurities I responded terribly (though in my defense I think most 'normal' people would react the same)! I fought him... because of my OWN shame...
Just a heads up, this method is not productive
And so, we talked about it. Which was incredibly uncomfortable, but also totally worth it. There was resolution. I realized why I was acting the way I was, Drew was able to express why he felt the way he did, and we found common ground, leaving us better off than before because we ACTUALLY worked through something (ok seriously though this whole thing took less than 30 minutes... We 'argued' in less time than that weeknight 'easy dinner' recipes to prepare). This is not to say, 'look at how awesome we are at conversing' this is to say- "HEY! I feel you! When you are pissed off and want to go slam a door... When you want to scream about the cupboards being left open... when you 'go to the grocery store' just to get out of the house... I understand. I've got your back, because we have ALL been there." I'm also here to tell you that talking things out is the best thing Drew and I have ever done for our marriage... Seriously.
This 'rule of thumb' applies to any relationship. If there is bad blood between you and a friend- TALK IT OUT. Obviously there are exceptions, if you are in an abusive relationship (friendship, family, significant other) GTFO, you are a precious gift to this world, don't put yourself in front of that bus.
When in doubt, talk it out
(words to live by)
xx
